My bilateral mastectomy is happening; I’m freaked out but ok.
I’ve been procrastinating. Not about my decision to undergo a double mastectomy so much as sharing this news widely.
Privately, most all of my loved ones know and if they do not, this post may be a shock. To catch you up if you are new here, less than two months ago, I went for a routine breast MRI as part of my normal screening process. My docs and the radiologist didn’t like what they saw and so I was sent for an MRI-guided needle biopsy as follow up. I now have been diagnosed with LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ) – not Cancer, but the odds have now dramatically increased for my future risk.
Here are quick links to my previous posts about this if you’d like more detail. Sequentially, they are:
- Just Another One of Life’s Little Tests
- 21 Gene Salute
- What are the Odds?
Now that we are officially besties and you know some of the most intimate things a private person can possibly share – I offer you a sincere – welcome to my life!!
Before I go into how I reached this huge decision…
I must express a note of thanks to this amazing community.
However you have found me and landed here, I am extremely grateful for the outpouring of support that I’ve received from friends, family and total strangers. I’ve heard from so many women in these past weeks and what they say is really true; it helps tremendously to know you are not in this alone and that others have walked a similar path. I’ve met and chatted at length with so many women who have offered their own personal stories; some shared things with me that were so personal. I cannot minimize how this has buoyed me through this very difficult time. Your vulnerability has been a source of strength that I can never repay. I hope knowing how much you’ve helped gives you a measure of joy, because you have somehow been that for me in this trying time.
So, now for the ugly truth.
This Monday, I will have a double mastectomy. I cannot sugarcoat this; it was a really difficult decision and one that I did not enter into lightly. Friends and family have expressed concern that perhaps this is too aggressive of an approach and strongly advocated for the “wait and watch” surveillance.
I know that this seems crazy to some. It is a very personal decision and one that each woman must approach pragmatically – considering a host of factors. There are benefits and risks to either choice. Basically, what it came down to for me was one question.
Would I regret my choice down the road?
I spoke to women who waited and watched. Some are fine many years later and seemingly do not look back with regret.
I spoke to women who waited and watched only to find something that they may have been able to prevent.
I spoke to women who chose mastectomy. None of these women regretted their decision.
Anecdotally, a friend told me that she knew of two people that had mastectomies only to get cancer years later.
There are no guarantees in this life.
My decision was made because I didn’t want to begin taking an estrogen-blocking medication, which would come with its’ own set of side effects. I would also have to be under the care of an Oncologist for the next 5-10 years while on such meds, all the while going through these increased screenings. While before, I didn’t give much thought to my mammograms and ultrasounds, I fear that each test would increase my stress.
While you know these intimate details of my life, you may not know that I am not generally susceptible to anxiety. If the last couple of months are any indication of what the foreseeable future could look like – I say a resounding NO THANK YOU
I have been feeling self-doubt and second guessing myself for weeks but I took a mental health week off from all of that and spent the last few days in Florida soaking up the sun, playing golf, tennis and pickleball, hanging with friends and my family.
Share
I’m on a plane back to NY as I write this and tomorrow I’ll play my last round of golf and enjoy the day with my kids and hubby (hoping the weatherman cooperates!)
Thanks for hanging in there with me as I journey through this little detour of life. Would appreciate any well wishes or words of encouragement before I hear that line on Monday morning, “Hi. I’ll be your anesthesiologist today. You’re going to feel a little sting. Now count backward from 100 and I’ll see you when you wake up.”
That’s all I want – to wake up on the other side and be ok.
Saying a little prayer xoxoxo
36 Hours + Counting…
My bilateral mastectomy is happening; I’m freaked out but ok.
I’ve been procrastinating. Not about my decision to undergo a double mastectomy so much as sharing this news widely.
Privately, most all of my loved ones know and if they do not, this post may be a shock. To catch you up if you are new here, less than two months ago, I went for a routine breast MRI as part of my normal screening process. My docs and the radiologist didn’t like what they saw and so I was sent for an MRI-guided needle biopsy as follow up. I now have been diagnosed with LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ) – not Cancer, but the odds have now dramatically increased for my future risk.
Here are quick links to my previous posts about this if you’d like more detail. Sequentially, they are:
Now that we are officially besties and you know some of the most intimate things a private person can possibly share – I offer you a sincere – welcome to my life!!
Before I go into how I reached this huge decision…
I must express a note of thanks to this amazing community.
However you have found me and landed here, I am extremely grateful for the outpouring of support that I’ve received from friends, family and total strangers. I’ve heard from so many women in these past weeks and what they say is really true; it helps tremendously to know you are not in this alone and that others have walked a similar path. I’ve met and chatted at length with so many women who have offered their own personal stories; some shared things with me that were so personal. I cannot minimize how this has buoyed me through this very difficult time. Your vulnerability has been a source of strength that I can never repay. I hope knowing how much you’ve helped gives you a measure of joy, because you have somehow been that for me in this trying time.
So, now for the ugly truth.
This Monday, I will have a double mastectomy. I cannot sugarcoat this; it was a really difficult decision and one that I did not enter into lightly. Friends and family have expressed concern that perhaps this is too aggressive of an approach and strongly advocated for the “wait and watch” surveillance.
I know that this seems crazy to some. It is a very personal decision and one that each woman must approach pragmatically – considering a host of factors. There are benefits and risks to either choice. Basically, what it came down to for me was one question.
Would I regret my choice down the road?
I spoke to women who waited and watched. Some are fine many years later and seemingly do not look back with regret.
I spoke to women who waited and watched only to find something that they may have been able to prevent.
I spoke to women who chose mastectomy. None of these women regretted their decision.
Anecdotally, a friend told me that she knew of two people that had mastectomies only to get cancer years later.
There are no guarantees in this life.
My decision was made because I didn’t want to begin taking an estrogen-blocking medication, which would come with its’ own set of side effects. I would also have to be under the care of an Oncologist for the next 5-10 years while on such meds, all the while going through these increased screenings. While before, I didn’t give much thought to my mammograms and ultrasounds, I fear that each test would increase my stress.
While you know these intimate details of my life, you may not know that I am not generally susceptible to anxiety. If the last couple of months are any indication of what the foreseeable future could look like – I say a resounding NO THANK YOU
I have been feeling self-doubt and second guessing myself for weeks but I took a mental health week off from all of that and spent the last few days in Florida soaking up the sun, playing golf, tennis and pickleball, hanging with friends and my family.
Share
I’m on a plane back to NY as I write this and tomorrow I’ll play my last round of golf and enjoy the day with my kids and hubby (hoping the weatherman cooperates!)
Thanks for hanging in there with me as I journey through this little detour of life. Would appreciate any well wishes or words of encouragement before I hear that line on Monday morning, “Hi. I’ll be your anesthesiologist today. You’re going to feel a little sting. Now count backward from 100 and I’ll see you when you wake up.”
That’s all I want – to wake up on the other side and be ok.
Saying a little prayer xoxoxo